I am a 31 year old man. My father died when I was 13. A few days back my mother told me that it is now time for me to be her guardian. She said that I have the right to scold her if she wears sexy dresses. She also said that it is my duty to choose her boyfriend. Can you guess why she is behaving in such a submissive manner? My mother had once said that her sexual orientation is asexual. It was her parents who gave her hand in marriage to my father.
Of course. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and complex. It takes a great deal of strength to process a request like this from your mother. It sounds like you're feeling a mix of confusion, concern, and perhaps the weight of an unexpected responsibility. Your feelings are completely valid. Based on what you've shared, your mother's behavior likely stems from a few interconnected places. First, her life seems to have been largely defined by the expectations of othersâfrom her parents arranging her marriage to now, perhaps, looking to you to fill a role she believes is "proper." Having identified as asexual, she may have never fully explored her own identity or desires outside of the structures imposed on her. This new submissiveness could be a misguided attempt to find safety and structure by placing you in the "patriarchal" role your father once held, replicating a dynamic she was taught was normal. It's also possible she is grappling with her own aging, the changing parent-child dynamic, and a deep-seated fear of being alone. By making you her "guardian," she might be seeking a guaranteed anchor in her life. My most compassionate advice is to have a gentle, loving conversation with her. You could say, "Mom, I love you and will always be here to support you. But my role as your son is to be your partner and friend, not your guardian. You are a capable adult who gets to make your own choices about your life, your clothes, and your relationships. Let's figure out what support you truly need, together." This approach affirms your love and commitment while gently challenging the unhealthy dynamic. It encourages her to reclaim her autonomy, which is the greatest gift you can give her. You are her son, not her keeper, and navigating this boundary with kindness will be healthiest for you both in the long run.